Pam’s World Turned Upside Down

Pam's world turned upside down, but still she came out on top

 

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Pam teaches Sunday School. She makes homemade Play-do (yes, on the stove). She will tell you otherwise, but she has made homemade biscuits…and I don’t mean the kind in the tube. Her kids play sports video games, not violent ones, they went to Mommy and Me preschool, not the drop off kind. They do charity work and sing in the church choir. Pam does everything the right and honorable way, and is raising her kids to be polite, compassionate and intelligent souls. For most of her marriage she followed her husband from state to state as he rose through corporate ranks. And in each new location she made a home, cultivated friendships, put down roots and enabled wonderful lives for her family…just like she did for the 5 or so years we were neighbors here in Ohio.

After living in Ohio they moved to another state. They were able to stay put in Nebraska for a while and raise the kids in one school system… but then the rug was pulled out. After 20 years of marriage, her husband wanted to divorce. And he didn’t want to do it the “right way”, where fights lead to counseling and cursing leads to rekindling vacations…he just wanted an end. For Pam this was so very wrong. But, here she was now with this giant divorce project, and the job of keeping her family healthy…if not together.

At the beginning of this difficult transition she visited me in Cleveland. Of course I invited her up to my studio to show her the Chicks with Balls paintings so far. I explained the concept…unrecognized strength and courage in ordinary women. She thought about it for a few minutes, perused the paintings, and promptly announced, “I’ll do it!”.  

Detail of cascading balls

I was thrilled and also scared she’d change her mind…she’d agreed so quickly! I rushed to set up my equipment and showed her to the private room to “pick her balls”…literally.

She took on the project with delight. When she emerged from the room with an armful of colorful plastic ball-pit-balls, she explained that she thought of the balls metaphorically; right now she had many balls in the air; three active children, a part time career that would soon need to become full time and of course all the unknowns of her impending divorce. The words juggling, balancing, catching and rolling with punches could easily be applied to her life.

At this early stage in the divorce they had not told the children yet.  So Pam was still wearing her wedding ring. For the Chicks with Balls pose, however she took it off with conspiratorial glee.

As Pam posed for the several hundred photos I took to inspire the painting an interesting thing happened. She had chosen a seated pose at a card table with many balls cradled in and cascading from her toned and graceful arms. The balls however had minds of their own and just kept rolling away, out of place, off the table. When one was retrieved, another found its freedom. It was constant, and Pam picked up each one that came loose and placed it once again safely back in her arms.

After time passed, however it seemed she was able to tame the balls and not only did they stay put, she had actually unintentionally arranged them in her arms symmetrically by color and position.

This resulting organization was such a perfect metaphor for Pam’s life. See, I was absolutely confident that she would prevail. She will make her world wonderful again, and she will do it the right way, the classy way, the honorable way, and slowly and surely joy will return.

The way this before-and-after occurrence played out was so integral to Pam’s story, I had to paint it as a double image. Pam’s painting was larger and more complex than the others so far, but this project has never been about fitting into a format, its about letting life unfold around the art, and Pam’s story emerged quite magically and it informed the painting profoundly.

And, just to give you an epilogue (I love epilogues) Pam is now, 3 very long years later, finally and happily divorced. I have never seen her so light, airy and free. Her children are happily thriving and I see nothing but good things in her future. Her life turned upside down, but still she came out on top.

Pam's world turned upside down, but still she came out on top
This is the painting flipped to show how she inadvertently arranged her balls.

Learning to Paint Laughing

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Detail from  Katie blazed a trail at 8 3/4 months

You already know Katie, the pregnant one, posed without hesitation. It was easier than I thought and she was the first one I asked. Here's how that first encounter went.

From time to time, I hire figure models to come and pose for me and other artists so we can paint them from life. We hired Katie, at 8 ¾ months pregnant to pose for us showing her big beautiful round belly. Katie was my artist friend Carol Medhurst’s (medhurstpaintings.com) neice and as I got to know her over the multiple day pose, I found out she spoke her mind and called a spade a spade and didn’t hold back. I kept visualizing how wonderful my first CWB painting would be with a pregnant belly…so round, so firm, so ball shaped and the fun flattened beak the belly button makes. I couldn’t let this opportunity slip, she wouldn’t be pregnant too much longer.

Detail from Pam's world turned upside down

After modeling for the day had finished and Carol had left, Katie and I were alone. Babbling and using too many words, I told her about the CWB project, which at this point was only words. To demonstrate what I was thinking, I felt like I had to take off my own top and show her what I was talking about. In retrospect this was weird and I didn’t do it again, but this whole thing is a learning process.

I also explained the disclaimers and caveats which I was still formulating as I was saying them. No one would ever see the photos…not even the model herself. And they most certainly would not be posted on the internet. With any claim like this there needs to be an element of trust because once a photo is “out there” no matter what was guaranteed and no matter what legal recourse you have, the photo cannot be “brought back”. 

My guarantee was this: I like to create the illusion that I don’t use photographs and I work exclusively from life. I bristle at comparisons of my work to photographs and I don’t want viewers looking back and forth from my reference material to my painting noting similarities and differences. The painting stands alone. So I guard my reference material fiercely. I told Katie that my selfish pride was her guarantee that her quasi-nude photos won’t be parading on the internet…I want to hide them more than she does.

Detail from Leah runs, bikes, swims and tackles…Paul

The painting, however, will go everywhere…internet, books, galleries, posters…anywhere and everywhere. Along with her first name, and a bit about her as a person too.

I also stressed that this was not a commissioned portrait where there was an element of client approval. The model would be doing me an honor, a privilege and a favor to pose for me, but the painting was my vision with their body and soul as inspiration. The intent was not to make fun of my friends and make them look bad, but if I found a physical quality that would make the painting better, and it wasn’t something that THEY liked, I would still paint it.

I gave Katie full disclosure, and she gave me a hearty and quick, “Sure I’ll do it!”

A couple basketballs from my garage and a few minutes of cracking up in front of the camera over how silly this thing we were doing was, and I had reference for my first Chicks With Balls painting. I took far fewer photos that I would for later Chick paintings…at this point, having painted exclusively from life for 30 years, I was a novice with shooting to paint. This project, however with its quick alive and spontaneous poses, was not best done with staged poses where the model holds still for hours. It also made it easier for  regular people to pose instead of professional figure models.

Detail from…do I really need to tell you?
by Leonardo DaVinci.

Later in the privacy of my studio, alone with the photos,  I discovered another scary aspect of this project. I would have to learn to paint laughter…teeth, gums, cheeks, open mouths, eyes alive and heads thrown back, neck muscles tensed, silliness and fleeting expressions. The experience would be fun, the ladies I would ask are fun, and the posing sessions would have us cracking up. But, painting laughter is not nearly as fun as actually laughing. It is extremely difficult, and can end up looking like a hideous grimace. That’s why you see so few joyful portraits from history…even the Mona Lisa kept her mouth shut.

Detail from Gypsy by Franz Hals

So, I needed to look for inspiration. I could think of only two painters who had successfully and consistently painted laughter…Norman Rockwell and Franz Hals. I looked through their images and got serious about learning how to paint fun…and as time went by, I started to have fun with it too.

 

Detail from Freedom from Want
by Norman Rockwell

Did you think you were going to see another
whole Chicks with Balls painting in this blog post? Sorry to disappoint, but I really want to build the suspense as we count down to the show in the summer of 2013, so I am being selective about which CWB paintings I show in their entirety. Stay tuned and next time I'm thinking I'll show a whole one!


Images by Franz Hals and Norman Rockwell are courtesy of The Art Renewal Center, (artrenewal.org)

The Litmus Test

Blue Balls for Scarlet…not truly part of the Chicks with Balls series,
but significant in its development

So Chicks with Balls was now officially a concept, but that and $4.95 will get you a Latte Grande at Starbucks.

CWB stayed on my back burner as I tried to develop my painting skills.

I continued to paint people…friends, models, commissions as much as I could. I sometimes would get together with artist friends and hire a shared model at the art studio in my home.

One such model was my friend Cindy, an active mother of triplets who were now three very active teenagers. Cindy is also a registered nurse and a highly accomplished belly dancer. A few artists and I hired Cindy to pose for us in full belly dancing costume while we painted her.

Cindy is also a devout Catholic with traditional views on a number of things. Over the years, however she has softened to my liberal heathen ways, as my respect for her faith has grown, seeing how beautifully she has used it to raise her terrific kids.

At the end of one of the modeling sessions, Cindy and I were the only ones left. We started chatting about kids, school, her daughter’s experience on the volleyball team and how my paintings were piling up in my studio and home. She said to me, what many people do without realizing just what a daunting and complex multi-layered comment it is, “You should have a show!” It’s kind of like saying, “You should get married!”…while yes, it would be nice, there’s a lot that goes into it and if it’s not right it’s a terrible waste of time.

At this point, I had not yet shown much, nor accomplished much artwise besides occasionally patting myself on the back for painting a convincing hand or capturing a difficult likeness. An actual solo art show was far from my radar since returning to painting after a 12 year baby-producing hiatus. Solo shows were what real grown-up artists did. Not me. Not yet at least. At 47 I was still very young at this.

But, I did have a response to the “You should have a show” comment. I told Cindy about my discussions with the small art center that wouldn’t show nudes.  Then, for some reason, I decided to go out on a limb and tell her about my Chicks with Balls idea…just to see what it sounded like when I said it aloud.  At this point I had only told my husband, who chuckles at my schemes and plans, and assumes I’ll do what I want no matter how he advises me.

a detail…I love painting hands

As one of my more conservative friends, Cindy was kind of a litmus test. She, along with many others in my suburban life had always thought it odd that I painted and drew naked people for my art. She was the last one I would expect to take off her top and hold volleyballs in front of her breasts. I honestly thought her response would be, “Yikes, Good Luck with that Judy!”.

Instead though, she laughed and thought it was a great idea! She actually joked about embarrassing her kids and posing with her belly dancing skirt and volleyballs for coverage. Funny what a day of modeling and breathing turpentine fumes will do for you judgment.

In any case, I was quite surprised but also very excited and encouraged. Maybe this idea could actually fly…maybe I wouldn’t be deported from the suburbs as a housewife pornographer. Maybe people might just “get this” …maybe women might feel honored to be asked to pose, and maybe some might just say yes.

A note about the painting above… “Blue Balls for Scarlet”. This painting is not part of the Chicks with Balls series. As of today, Cindy has still not yet decided to actually pose…though she loves the idea. And she knows she has an open invitation. Blue Balls for Scarlet is the painting she posed for in her belly dancing costume. I added the nude woman on the floor for a compositional challenge. The hands with blue balls were offers to Cindy to pose for Chicks. I also knew I needed practice at painting hands holding balls.

another detail from Blue Balls for Scarlet

Why did I call Cindy Scarlet? Cindy has told me on several occasions she would make a good Scarlet O’Hara. Though, when she poses for Chicks with Balls I will need to use her real name, and reference the fact she is a mom of triplets. I think I might call that painting “Cindy: Three Times a Lady”

Inspiration from Iowa

For Laurel of Peace and Wisdom, this is Just Another Day

Around the time Chicks with Balls was secretly flailing itself from side to side inside my cluttered brain, I had the opportunity to attend the Portrait Society of America International Conference in Washington DC. This was in May of 2010. I was invited by my fun, talented and ballsy artist friend Susie Porges (susanporgesstudio.com), to whom I shall be eternally grateful for this pivotal point of inspiration. She had heard about the conference from our mutual artist friend, internationally renowned pastel portrait painter, Judith Carducci (judithcarducci.com).

When I look back on certain turning points in my art life, certain pieces of art stand out as jolts of electricity that show me what is possible to me. They show me a light, they change my way, they focus my vision, they push me into the water, they throw me a rope. These art encounters shine because they show me what is possible and that it is possible for me.

The River…by Puvis De Chavannes

According to family legend, when I was three and we lived in NYC (before we moved to Ohio when I was four), I visited the Met with my dad many times and was fixated on the Puvis de Chavannes Nude bathers painting called “The River”. I didn't remember the painting specifically, but those early classical nudes must have gone into my subconscious.

Painting of a Woman by Amadeo Modigliani

As a child, I remember hiding behind the couch reading these mini art books my parents had sprinkled around the house. The one featuring Modigliani was a favorite because he painted ladies like I did, some portraits and some nudes and in my 8 year old mind, I thought, “I can draw better than him and he’s a real artist with a book an everything!” (I’ve never had a problem with personal confidence…it’s selling it to others that trips me up.)

As a middle schooler, I remember my art teacher Mr. Kovacs showing me a drawing by a Hungarian student a few years older than I was. It was a delicately shaded, sensitively drawn, meticulously rendered little pencil drawing of an ordinary hand drill. I thought, “Wow… a kid did this…and a Hungarian kid like me no less. ” That kid was George Kozmon, (georgekozmon.net) who many years later became my very inspiring figure drawing teacher and friend. That drawing also showed me that art wasn’t just made by dead painters and “professionals” from New York. It could be made right here in Ohio…by people like me…by me. I could be that good…and now I am actually way better than he is. (Hey George, if you actually read this and tell me so, I’ll take it out and tell the truth, but until you see it, it stays…ha!)

Anyway, I won’t belabor the points of inspiration point. I’ll fast forward to the Portrait Society of America 2010 Conference.

Mrs. Zimmerman by Rose Frantzen.

At this conference, I had the privilege of meeting artist Rose Frantzen (oldcityhallgallery.com), seeing her dynamic demonstrations, listening to her talk candidly about her path as an artist and viewing her show at the National Portrait Gallery in Washington DC. Her show of 180 portraits (!!) was called “Portrait of Maquoketa” and it really touched home.

Rose Frantzen is a crazy good painter of people, she has limitless energy and she comes from a very small town in Iowa. She set up her studio at the Old City Hall on Mainstreet, Maquoketa and invited the citizens to come and pose for her for 5 hour portrait sittings…two a day (!!). She painted a 12 by 12 a la prima portrait of each and every one who signed up. Townspeople would sign up for shifts to come and pose while others would gather and watch the painting process.

This is brilliant on so many levels. First and foremost it is a dream come true for the portrait artist. When you are a painter of people there is no greater luxury than to have willing models of all ages, races and personalities lined up to pose for hours on end and signed up for months to come.

The other idea I loved about it was that she brought great art out from behind the hallowed walls of museums and by-appointment only galleries. She made it fun, friendly and welcoming. And she made the people of the town part of the creation process.

And she was from Iowa…another invisible square vowel state like Ohio. She was from the Midwest, and she was going to stay there. She wasn’t taking her talents to New York to make it, she was bringing the spotlight to Maquoketa by making great art right in her own back yard. And her paintings are good enough where the spotlight does indeed shine on Maquoketa. She hosts sellout workshops with extensive waiting lists. She sells her art nationally right from her gallery on Mainstreet. She creates masterpieces of everyday life, from life, in the tradition of Zorn and Sargent. And she is a star among portrait luminaries internationally.

I saw inspiration and I saw a painter of people making it in the Midwest.

This life changing encounter threw another log on the fire in me that was Chicks with Balls. I could make it happen right here on my mainstreet in my home town.

I was nobody from nowhere…and THAT was the point.

Chicks with Balls…Growing a Pair

Katie blazed a trail at 8 3/4 months…by Judy Takács…36 by 48 oil on canvas

Katie was the first to pose for me. Very pregnant, she chose basketballs to balance her basketball shaped belly…eagerly and without hesitation. For me, however the process of mustering up courage to start this project began several years earlier.

Let's rewind to the summer of 2008. Decades of overlapping childrearing and a thriving graphic design business left me severely behind in my first love…painting people. Through the dry years I had consistently taken figure and portrait painting classes to keep my skills up. I also painted portrait commissions to give me new people to paint, but I hadn’t yet found my voice.

Around that time I spoke with a local art center about having a show there. I secretly suspected I didn’t have a body of work I could show proudly, but I am not one to shirk from opportunity, so I let a representative come to see my work. At that time most of my paintings were figures…nudes. This local art center, which received city funding would not display nude paintings. Even if Botticelli's Birth of Venus were touring the U.S., it would be shunned locally. The director was frustrated by this provincial policy and jokingly referred to the decision makers at city hall as “the sports guys”…implying that the small town cares more about their high school sports than the visual arts.

Anyway, I never did have a show there and nothing came of these meetings…except the seeds of an idea.

I kept mulling over what kind of art would possibly be approved by “the sports guys”. Landscapes and abstracts had been displayed there before, but I was only interested in painting people…and truthfully, I am not interested in painting “for” the public, “for” the client, “for” the show…painting has always been a “from” process…“from” my heart and soul, talent and experience.

Still I played with the idea of what the “sports guys” would like. The first things that came to mind were paintings of balls…basketballs, footballs, baseballs.  What if these balls were covering offending body parts? Who could argue with that…not a nipple in sight. And thus was hatched the idea for Chicks with Balls.

I ruminated and kicked around the Chicks with Balls idea for several years without telling anyone. I also suffered from a lack of confidence. Who should I ask to pose? hired models? indulgent friends? reluctant relatives? Am I a good enough painter? And really, what was the point? Certainly it’s a lot of work to do on the off chance that a community art center with nudity policies will say, “Well sure we’ll show it…I don’t see any nipples!” So the idea lay dormant.

Every time I revisited it though, it grew and took on a life of its own. I started looking around  at my female friends wondering who might actually pose. I, like many of my suburban women friends don’t have strong ties to any literal balls…besides those attached to the sports our kids play.

Detail: For Laurel of Peace and Wisdom, this is just another day

But, as I continued my friend inventory, I discovered a whole lot of “figurative balls.” My friends have shown strength, courage, determination, resiliency, persistence and unwavering faith in their personal goals and those of their families, often against incredibly difficult odds. Tucked away here in Ohio, we are not running countries or negotiating world peace but we are the unsung heroines of our smaller, more ordinary lives.

The Laundry List

There is great depth and complexity in the challenges my ladies have faced.

Some are following disciplined paths to success and others reinventing well- planned lives turned upside down. Some are just starting, some are starting again.

Some are dealing with parental dementia at the same time as teenage depression and anxiety.

Some came from foreign lands and started fresh in the U.S. and some travel near and far to help those less fortunate to live better lives.

One jumps from airplanes, another runs triathlons, another plays rugby, a few play tennis and many cheer for their children whatever sport they are playing.

They speak their minds when they should and sometimes when they shouldn’t but will always keep a secret to protect someone they love…

as I am keeping many of their secrets even while celebrating how well they deal with them.

Some have survived cancer. Some have found inner strength when illness has taken it. Some have survived dangerous pregnancies and given birth to babies that have, and babies that have not survived.

Some are guided by great faith.

Some are guided by great faith in self.

A few have survived heartbreak and betrayal and held their heads high.

They fight for their children, on behalf of their children and with their children.

Some fight for the rights of the children of others.

They dance, they sing, they paint, they create, they document, they heal, they learn, they fall down, they get back up, they help, they love.

And quietly and efficiently from the shadows they make sure the people in their small corner of the world are loved and cared for.

And so I found a voice, and a purpose, and a vision for this project…and I found so many potential models right in my own back yard. Now I just needed to grow a pair myself and make the Chicks with Balls project happen in life as well as in paint.

This blog will chronicle that process…I hope you will stay tuned for updates as we count down to the opening of this fabulous show of paintings at BAYarts in Bay Village, Ohio in the summer of 2013.